My baby at 10 weeks

Weekly Belly Picture - Week 10

How far along? 10 weeks

Total weight gain: 2 pounds

Body Changes? My skin has been zit free (less oily) and glowing more.

Sleep: Sleeping well.

Best moment this week: Seeing my baby on ultra sound and hearing the heart beat again.

Gender: No idea

Food Cravings: Fruit and lean foods.

What I miss: Sushi and an alcoholic beverage.

Symptoms: A little spotting. Moody. Tired but less than before. Aversion to certain foods. Slight pinching in lower abdomen.Bizarre dreams.

Movement: Too early

What I am looking forward to: Getting over my sinus cold.

Milestones: FInish packing and the big move next week.

Thought of the Week: Life is good!

1st meeting with Dr. Sureen Chi

9/20/11 - Brad and I anxiously headed to the doctors for our first meeting with our new doctor Dr. Sureen Chi. She came highly recommended to us by a friend and we were eager to meet her. Plus, I wanted to finally meet with a doctor and not just the nurses. When we got there we were sent to a different floor as usual. I liked it more because it was quiet and not as hectic as the other floor. After filling out a bunch of paper work, a nurse took me to a room to take my blood for various tests. She also took my blood pressure and had me stand on the scale. I think I gained around 1.5 -1.8 pounds so far. She then handed me a big bag with lots of mom-to-be toys in it....like magazines, a journal, and a bunch of samples, for example, baby food, breast pads, baby milk bags etc. I was most excited about the tiny sample of huggies diapers..they're adorable..so little and cute. I can't believe I will be using lots of little diapers like those in about 7 months. Wow, I realized once again that I will be a mom and responsible for a little person. Crazy and so exciting at the same time. I honestly think the 9 1/2 years of taking care of Lucky my dog, every single day and night has taught me so much about responsibility and I can't be more thankful for that experience and preparation to motherhood. I feel much more prepared now than if I didn't have a dog and pets to take care for. I think I pour my heart and soul into my animals and I know I will do the same for my baby.

After the initial tests we were headed to Dr. Chi's office. I was supposed to have my ultra sound first but they were backed up so we met with the doctor first. I liked her right away, she seemed very friendly and knowledgable. We casually talked a bit to get to know each other and then slowly transitioned into talking about pregnancy, precautions, diet, exercise etc. We also had a lot of questions and she took her time answering each one of them. She encouraged me to listen to my body, exercise moderately and watch my diet. She did not recommend drinking any alcohol, not even a glass of wine. She told me to stay away from raw fish, cold cuts and have very limited amounts of caffeine. I know some people and doctors say it's ok to drink a glass of wine every now and then but I have noticed how strict I already am with myself... I haven't had coffee (only decaf) since I found out about my pregnancy and avoid diet coke or any caffeinated sodas. I also do not want to drink (and haven't so far) any alcohol during my pregnancy..not even a glass of wine. I'd much rather play it safe and put healthy things in my body...with the occasional cheating of a greasy hamburger and fries ;).

After we talked for a while we headed to the ultra sound room where Dr. Chi performed a quick pap smear and then let Sandra the ultra sound technician do my ultra sound. It was so exciting because the baby looked much bigger this time and you could really tell the head and shape of the body. The heart beat measured at 167 beats a minutes and she said that is normal and very healthy. She told us I am measuring at 8 weeks and 5 days. Brad immediately did the calculation to figure out when we actually conceived (we still haven't quite figured it out) but then realized that it really did happen when we were in Switzerland. It actually happened during the time we were in Zurich and stayed at our friend's amazing house on the water. They have three children and I think there must have been a lot of left over baby dust in their home :) It's cool to think that it happened in Switzerland...my home country...a special place in my heart that holds most of my memories with my mom. It makes me smile to think that it happened there... and also exactly around the time my oldest and dearest friend Tselha married on July 22nd. It was an incredible weekend, surrounded by so many lovely people. I remember standing in the Tibetan Temple during Tselha and Joel's tibetan ceremony, feeling such a strong spiritual energy and wishing..asking..the tibetan gods and monks to send me good energy and luck. It seems they did just that. And when we had dinner that night at the Tibetan restaurant I felt such an appreciation for the Tibetan culture and people. The food and the tibetan songs sang by one of the guests was amazing. The genuine good company was so humbling making the evening so special. It now all makes sense to me that my miracle happened in a special place during a special time.

After the ultra sound we met with a Dr. Chi again and she said everything looked great. She calmed my nerves about my bleeding episodes and the occasional spotting. She said she could spot a tiny remaining blood clot behind my placenta that was causing the bleeding/spotting and that once that flushes out I shouldn't be bleed free. My fingers are crossed.

We left the doctors with big smiles on our face. Brad shared with me in the car that he didn't think Dr. Chi liked him, which I thought was absurd. I asked him why he thought that and he said it was just a feeling he got. I told him how can she not like you, she just met you! But I understand when you have gut feelings about someone but then again they often can be mislead or misunderstood feelings/impressions. So I am strongly hoping that at our next doctors appointment Brad will feel differently about how he thinks Dr. Chi thinks of him...

Weekly update - sleepiness and the munchies

Last week there was a lot going on at the house as we are nearing our move in date September 30th. We are pushing to get the guest bathroom done and all the paint so we can at least live in part of the house while the addition is still being finalized. It's overwhelming and even more so because I've been feeling so tired and running on low energy. I am usually very active, like things done right away and rarely take naps or live in an untidy apartment. Lately I've been pretty much doing the opposite LOL. I've been taking naps during the day, can't find the energy to clean or pack up our apartment, let alone work much on my dissertation. At night I sleep like a rock too, and I wonder how is this possible with all the other rest I am getting. But I guess my body just really needs it. If there are two things that really stand out to me about how different I've been feeling now that I'm pregnant, it would have to be my low energy/tiredness and my increased hunger. Wow, last week I started eating way more than usual, constantly feeling hungry. I am craving pasta and all kinds of comfort food. When I go to whole foods I immediately am drawn to the pizza and mac n cheese. I literally have to slap my rist and tell myself "what is wrong with you??" whole foods is all about the organic healthy foods. I should feel like a granola when I walk in there...craving wheat grass shots, tofu, and organic beans. Yeah no, not me..not now LOL. At times I feel a little grossed out too, and go through moments of slight nausea but it usually goes away fairly quickly. Funny, I haven't been craving much chocolate and sweets at night, something I typically eat plenty of haha. I've also been very thirsty and drinking a lot of water, which makes me pee even more! All in all though I feel pretty good. I do have to say I go through bouts of extreme mood swings. I can get very cranky and annoyed. I know a lot of it has to do with the house and all the stress that comes with it but I can definitely tell my tolerance level isn't very high these days when it comes to patience. It's wonderful to know that all the hard work and $ into our house will be worth it in the end, especially knowing that we created our first home all by ourselves and will be raising our child(ren) there. We'll have lots of fun stories to tell!

I am headed over to the house now to organize some of our closets that are painted and ready to use. I am also seeing my friend Justine who is about to give birth to her baby boy Oct. 1. And my bestie Christina got engaged yesterday! So many exciting things happening in my life right now it's hard not to smile, feel joy and embrace life!

Pregnancy Development

My Baby at 9 Weeks

Size: 0.9 inches (2.3 cm)
Weight: 0.07 ounce (2 grams)

Your baby is reaching the last weeks of the critical embryonic period. Development continues as the baby's organs are finalizing development in preparation for the massive amount of growth that is about to take place during the fetal period. All of baby's limbs are visible and the tiny tail that was once prominent at the end of her spine is now disappearing. Your baby is now about the size of a green grape!

Your baby's heart has now differentiated into four chambers that will be needed for proper functioning once outside of the womb. Can you believe that just a short while ago your little one was just a small bundle of cells, but has now grown into a compact, tiny little human? Life truly is amazing!

Weekly Belly Picture - Week 9

How far along? Week 9

Total weight gain: 1.5

Body Changes? My jeans are a little snug on me. Continuing to break out (what's new?). Breasts are little bigger.

Sleep: Sleeping very well and taking more naps.

Best moment this week: Seeing our house painted.

Gender: Not so sure anymore.

Food Cravings: Pasta. Salty foods. Coffee hasn't tasted so good to me lately.

What I miss: Taking a hot bath. Having a glass of wine.

Symptoms: A little spotting and one day of a slight bleeding. Very tired and no energy. Extremely hungry this week. A few times of slight nausea. Very moody. Pregnancy brain.

Movement: Too early

What I am looking forward to: Having more energy and getting my hair colored.

Milestones: Getting past the next two weeks of packing and moving.

Thought of the Week: Elated for my best friend Christina's engagement!

2nd Ultra Sound 9/8/11

I headed to the doctor's office a week after my last visit to do another ultra sound. The nurse recommended I come once more before my first appointment with the doctor September 20th, mainly to see the baby in bigger size and hear its heart beat better. I was nervous of course, and had to wait for almost an hour before they called me in. I was thinking how much of pregnancy is about worrying if everything is ok, I never really thought of that side before. I kind of thought of it as..one day you're pregnant and then you wait 9 months and have a baby. Well it's not that simple. I remember my sister Noelle being a worry wart too during her first pregnancy and I think only now I can really relate. I think also for me my pregnancy started off a bit shaky and uncertain that the worry still creeps in at times. But I told myself and keep telling myself that I can't and won't live in such worry for 9 months. I don't think that would be healthy either. Like I made that promise to my baby when I was doing the dishes a few weeks ago.."I will always believe in him/her and never give up on him/her for the rest of my and his/her life and beyond..." and that helps me get through the days without worrying so much. The assistant nurse made a funny comment the other week after I made a remark about how much "worry" is involved during pregnancy. She turned around and said: "ohh, get ready to worry for the rest of your life because it doesn't end after pregnancy.." I thought that was sweet and true. Scary in a way. Christ, I worry so much about my dog Lucky..constantly making sure he's ok, not eating anything bad on the streets, and giving him as much love as I possibly can and than some more :). How is it going to be with a baby? I see the gray hairs growing already haha.

All in all so far, I've been incredibly joyful and lucky to be blessed with a baby. It's such a miracle and it's an incredible feeling knowing a little baby..a person...a human being..is growing inside of me. Wow.

......

So, when I finally got called into the doctor's office for my ultra sound, my heart was beating so fast. But there he/she was, much bigger and more visible than the week before. And the heart beat was stronger (126). I was soooo happy! The nurse came into the room after and immediately said "perfect...excellent" when she looked at my chart and ultra sound picture. That was a major relief. I asked her a few questions, for example, if I can be around the house while construction and painting is happening and she said yes it's fine as long as there is good ventilation and I don't over expose myself. I also asked her about cleaning the cat litter and she recommended Brad do it (which he (reluctantly at first) has been doing like a real champ). When he travels she gave me the ok to do it as long as I wear gloves.

Beaming with a big smile on my face, I left the office and headed to the house to see what the construction workers were up to that day....

Weekly Belly Picture - Week 7 & 8

How far along? Weeks 7&8

Total weight gain: .8

Body Changes? Sore boobs. Bloated. Breaking out a little. Cramp in right calve muscle that came on over night and stayed for two days. Peeing a lot.

Sleep: Sleeping very well. I've been very tired at night.

Best moment this week: Seeing baby Colmer grow bigger at my 2nd ultra sound.

Gender: Girl

Food Cravings: My oh my, anything that is sweet and fattening. I've been soo hungry I can eat all the time.

What I miss: Sushi, taking a hot bath, and having a cold beer on a hot summer day.

Symptoms: Little spotting, sore breasts, pregnancy brain, peeing a lot. Emotional (crying comes easy these days haha). No nausea at all.

Movement: Too early

What I am looking forward to: Moving into our house end of this month!

Milestones: Getting through this month of packing, moving and construction dust/paint.

Thought of the Week: I feel very blessed.

Weekly Belly Picture - Week 6

How far along? 6 Weeks

Total weight gain: 0

Body Changes? Sore and pointy breasts. Bloated. Breaking out a little.

Sleep: Have been sleeping so well except last two nights.

Best moment this week: Seeing my baby on ultra sound!

Gender: I can't say yet. My hubby and sister Noelle are convinced it's a boy. My step mom and sister Julie think it's a girl.

Food Cravings: I can drink apple juice like its going out of style. Chocolate (surprise, surprise haha)

What I miss: Sushi, running and my Mom.

Symptoms: Spotting, sore breasts, pregnancy brain, urge to pee a lot. Emotional. No nausea at all.

Movement: Too early

What I am looking forward to: Being a mammi and decorating the nursery :)

Milestones: Getting through the last few weeks

Thought of the Week: Don't be fooled by worry...just get on the roller coaster and enjoy the ride...

First Doctors Visit 9/1/11

After a long wait of 1o days of uncertainty, I was so ready to go to the doctor and find out the outcome of my pregnancy. The day couldn't have come sooner... I just wanted to know, whatever it was going to be...I or let me say WE wanted know. Throughout the 10 days of waiting Brad stayed very positive, assuring me that I am pregnant. He said he just has this feeling that I'm pregnant and also pointed out my at times irritable, cranky, unpredictable mood swings. He kept saying "something is different with you" haha..and I do have to admit I've had some pretty bad mood swings lately. I've also been so preoccupied and stressed with the construction of our house. We have less than one month left in our apartment and still have to pack everything up and finish up the construction. There is so much to do. The guys working on our house are doing a great job and if we weren't on such a time crunch it wouldn't be bad at all. I just want to make sure our house is mostly done, cleaned and painted before we move in anything.

I regress...so Thursday morning came along and we were headed to the doctor's for my ultra sound to see if a sac/baby had developed over the course of the 10 days. I don't think I'll ever forget that morning in my life. I will even forever remember what I wore that day (blue 7 jeans, tory burch sandals, my Ella Moss tan/red striped sleevless shirt...and my BCBG cardigan to keep me warm because it's always freezing at that doctor's office). I was cold already in the car which was a clear sign to me that I was super nervous and anxious. We were both nervous. When we finally arrived at the doctors office we waited for about 10-15 minutes until they called us in. They immediately sent us to the ultra sound room, which caught me off guard because I was prepared to be sent to the patient room first where I would see my favorite nurse (NOT) and could express to her what I practiced in my mind for days (being brief, cold and unaffected by her negativity) while having my hubby as a back up. Well, that didn't pan out and I started feeling sick and had to pee, so I told the ultra sound practioner that I had to run to the bathroom first. Brad and her waited for me in the room. I needed a breather, I wasn't ready..yet. When I got back I changed and hopped on the table as if I was doing my yearly pap smear, just with a very different outcome. The lady doing my ultra sound was nice and kind which put me at ease. When she proceeded to do the ultra sound I could barely breath because I knew once she stuck the "thing" in my vagina I would immediately see something..or nothing on my uterus. Before I could even think, see or talk...she says "there's your baby"! I was like "What??", "I mean, are you sure??"..."what do you see??"... "is everything ok??"..."is it alive??"...ALL while Brad continued to say "YOU'RE PREGNANT"..."WOW, YOU'RE PREGNANT" "OH MY GOD YOU'RE PREGNANT" hahaha it was pretty funny. Then Brad pulls out his phone and texts Noelle to tell her the news. I was like "what are you doing?" I told him to hold off on telling anyone so quickly. I was still overly confused about the AWESOME news we just received. The ultra sound practioner then showed me where my baby is located in the sac. It was very hard to see, he or she is only 2mm long right now. When she heard a small heart beat I almost bursted out in tears. I couldn't believe it. If there's ever been a miracle in my life, it was then and there. Nothing will beat that moment. I was so thankful. My angels and spirits gave me what I so desperately prayed for. A MIRACLE.

After we left the ultra sound room...beaming we headed to meet my favorite nurse (NOT). When she saw my ultra sound picture and chart, she had a big smile on her face, gave me a hug and kiss and said congratulations. Whoa...what a 180 she just pulled on me. She was nice and explained to me the next step and what I need to take caution in doing from now on. I was so excited, of course I was nice back to her. I asked her about foods I can/cannot eat and if I could exercise or not. Since I was still having some spotting she advised me not to work out or do anything too stressful on my body now until I go at least one week without spotting.

Overjoyed we left the office and headed home, making happy phone calls to our families :)

Finding out I was pregnant...

I don't even know where to begin...so I will start at the very beginning.

On the weekend of July 13th I got my period (or at least I thought I did. But I did) and didn't think much of it. So, I went out with my hubby to a friend's house party and had a great time. Maybe too much fun. I definitely got tipsy and toasty that night ;). The next day I noticed that my period was much lighter than usual and I thought it was a bit strange. I had no backaches and I don't remember pms'ing as I usually do around my period (my hubby likes to remind me every month when my hormones go hay wire). Well he didn't that time. On Monday my period was gone but my breasts continued to be sore. By thursday 8/18 I got a little suspicious and wondered... why are my breasts still hurting? Something told me on my way running errands to stop at Walgreens right by my apartment. I picked up one pack of pregnacy tests and on my way home, I was laughing at myself saying "this is ridiculous..I am 99% sure I am NOT pregnant". So when I got home of course I was ready to pee (if you know me, you know I can pretty much pee any time of the day, my bladder is the size of an apple. literally) and when I was done, I left the bathroom because I didn't give it much hope and didn't want to stick around for the 2 minute stare/wait contest. When I made it back to the bathroom I had to blink and clear my vision when I saw two lines on my pregnancy test. yes TWO lines. A cross to be exact. I couldn't believe it and was convinced something was wrong with the test. So, I immediately tried another one, and the same thing happened. Two lines. I was like whoaaa...this is crazy! I thought how could this be? So, what did I do? I drove back to Walgreens and got the extra fancy digital pregnancy test because those would tell me for sure if I am pregnant or not. I figured digital is the high tech version of pregnancy tests - it would tell me the truth LOL. I chugged lots of water to fill my bladder and tried one of the digital tests which came out "pregnant" (see photo). In total I did 4 pregnancy tests that day (I did another digital one two days later just to make sure I was still pregnant haha). When I finally calmed down from confusion, shock and excitement..I called my hubby Brad and told him on the phone that I "think" I am pregnant. He was as confused as I and we were both a bit overwhelmed. I really wished to tell him in person but that night I had plans to go to the movies with my friend and he was off to play tennis with his buddy so we wouldn't have seen each other until almost midnight. I simply couldn't wait that long.

The next day I called my doctor to set up an appointment to have my blood taken to confirm pregnancy. The office assistant then told me then that their office doesn't take my new health insurance (I had just switched health insurances because I am under Brad's plan that is covered by his company). Great timing. Pregnant and no doctor. And I loved my old gyno. She is cool, hip and young. I was upset. I could not go to her anymore because I did not want to pay out of pocket. I emailed a friend of mine who has two babies and asked her if she could recommend a good gyno. She immediately wrote back, and highly recommended her doctor to me. So I called and thankfully they accept my health insurance and were able to fit me in that same day. I went and met with the nurse practitioner that asked me a lot of questions about my health and family medical history etc. She was nice but lacked warmth and kindness. She prepared me for the worst - that my bleeding might have indicated a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy. She said it's very common and often pregnancy tests and blood tests will show positive signs of pregnancy although you might not actually be pregnant..anymore. She advised me to immediately go to the hospital if I had severe bleeding or cramping as that would indicate an ectopic pregnancy (another form of miscarriage). When I finally left her office I was sent to the ultra sound room. The nurse couldn't see anything on the ultra sound but mentioned to me it's probably too early in my pregnancy. Needless to say I was a bit discouraged when I left the office and headed over to the lab to have my blood taken.

I waited all weekend wondering if I was pregnant or not. On Monday I went back for my second round of taking blood to see if my hcg levels increased over the 72 hours. The next day the nurse called me and said my progesterone level came back at a 12 and my hcg levels increased from a 172 to a 279 but she really hoped they would be 340. She pulled another debbie downer on me. She told me that my body could still be thinking I'm pregnant even though I'm not and I would just have to wait it out for 10 days until I could come back and do an ultrasound. She set up an appointment with me for September 1st at 10am. I was left in limbo and did not like it. I called her the next day to see if I could come in and take a third round of blood to see if my hcg levels increased from its last number. She didn't recommend it and said she didn't want me to be disappointed because even if my numbers would go up..it still wouldn't mean anything!?

Now she really started to piss me off. I'm a therapist and I'm compassionate and kind with my clients. She was being the oppposite with me and made me more and more angry. I was vulnerable and it seemed like she was taking away every ray of hope I had left. On my way home I had a good cry, called my parents and told them the story. It was the strangest phone call (not the way I had hoped to deliver news I was pregnant). I couldn't be really excited about it because I didn't know where I stood, so I told them I am pregnant but didn't know if it would stick. It was tough to say, as I tried to hold back tears.

This is a long story but I had to share it. The things that helped me cope during the time I was waiting to find out were my hubby, sister, support of my family and accepting that whatever happened would be ok.

Though I continued to listen to my body and kept feeling things that made me wonder if I might still be pregnant. There was one moment that I so vividly remember. I was doing the dishes and this voice deep within me (I truly believe it was my baby) said to me "don't give up on me".."don't give up on me". It was an inspiring moment and I knew I had to hold on to hope, think positive and feel the "love growing inside of me" (as Beyonce so beautifully said..who is also newly preggers yay). I said "I will never give up on you..never, never, ever". And that was that. It changed my whole perspective and I started to believe, dream, and love...